Welcome to my journal. I'm putting this at the top so folks can find things easily. There's so many years worth of stuff on this journal that it's not that easy to find things. I started out just journaling, but then got into writing fiction as well.
There was a time I would have laughed if someone said I might be anxious after just two days of rain. After the floods, though, it's kind of interesting to go around Longmont after two days of pretty heavy rain.
I was at the 911 center today, doing my thing. Legal procedures have changed here, and a lot more lawyers are required to get transcripts earlier on in the process than before. So I get a mountain of work every time I go in. Every week is different.
Amazingly grateful for being able to walk around the neighborhood in the sunshine today, with Jet. I'm happy that I can cook again, that I can wander around the house again, that I can actually drive to church and do everything that I needed to do there. I'm amazingly grateful for just the simple act of being able to put my hair in a ponytail and not be dizzy from the unconscious head toss that I do when I do it. *laughs*
It's pretty amazing the number of things I have back.
The biggest was that I was able to let John go off on a trip to Cleveland on Wednesday through to today. I tested being able to drive on Tuesday morning, and was so exhausted at the end of the meeting I had then that I had to lie down on one of the couches at church for a conversation with someone else. After that I was good enough to get home. Luckily, it got better after that...
The receptionist listened to John list the symptoms and said that my doctor is out on vacation all week, and the other two partners in the area were booked solid, so she said that if I really wanted to see a doctor that it would have to be urgent care because that was all that was available. John and I both agreed that it didn't sound like she felt like I had to see a doctor right away.
On the 14th of February it was pretty obvious I had an eye infection of some sort in my right eye, but I'd had a bunch of those in the past, and on the 15th John was going to Fort Collins to do a talk about the flood recovery work he was doing, so Jet and I went with him as support and as witness. It was important and a good thing, but that afternoon, my eye started really hurting, so we went to the Urgent Care clinic before it was going to close and I got antibiotics for what was a bacterial infection in that eye.
Angie, the friend I visited around Christmas time went into hospice two weeks later, and died two weeks ago, peacefully dying after just a day or two's unresponsiveness. Her memorial service was yesterday. It was crowded, and filled with people who hadn't been to our church for a while, and it was so good to see everyone gathered in her name.
She had planned the entire service, in her fearless way. It included speeches from her sons, her husband, one of his sons, and a dear friend of both of ours; the reading was the one about love in Corinthians, which was used in my wedding; and ended it with a rousing rendition of the Village People's "YMCA". It was very much her. The luncheon was fabulous, and the weather defied the predictions that it would start to snow in earnest soon after noon, it waited until after the last of the lunch was cleaned up, and people were home. At 2 pm, wind-driven Gulf clouds whipped into the Front Range from the east, and driven upslope, proceeded to dump a good eight inches of snow.
Today, only the intrepid made it into church, and of those that did, several needed to tell their stories about Angie, too, and I had to sit down with the friend who had done the speech the previous day to just hug her and listen and be present for her as she mourned. John had a similar experience with someone else.
I talked with someone else who has a sister with ovarian cancer, and how that sister is living life for all she's worth. "We're all dying anyway, but some of us just know it's going to be sooner than we'd like," he said. And he is right in a certain sense. Enjoy the ones you love while you can. That's important.
I cried a little during the memorial service, but not a lot. I'd had three crying jags already with respect to Angie, and one of them was just a few days ago, while I was painting six-panel doors for someone's basement. I'd really gotten to know her, the first time, during one of the Biloxi mission trips; and construction work just reminds me of her. The thing that struck me the hardest was my utter gratitude that I'd gotten to see her before Christmas. And it was only then that I realized that what made everything all right was that when I saw her, when I had to leave, we got to say to each other, "I love you."
That made it all right, in a way. I still miss her.
I've been reading a book called Living Buddha, Living Christ by Thich Nhat Hanh, and I'm learning a lot of really specific practices that are just making living a little easier. His version of the Five Precepts still has me amazed and inspired. There are some things about being rooted in a long tradition with millenium of tested human usage of the practices that I can't deny. Still, I've always liked the prophets better, who like to tear down the very institutions priests build and hold dear.
I have always been and always will be suspicious and distrustful of religion for religion's sake. But there are practices, communities, particular individuals that I've come across that just... they work. They work with integrity, and they sustain and build up rather than tear down. Sometimes I really sympathize with Sanzo, who tried to tear down Heaven for its inequity and injustice, but is still... connected to what is Holy and Divine.
In Log Horizon Akatsuki, the tiny amazing ninja lady, often turns to an pan when she's in need of comfort. They're a Japanese bread, with red bean paste in the center, so it's a sweet. She gets them and uses them to try and comfort Shiroe and the Princess Lenessia at different times during the series.
I'd had one, I think, in San Diego, when we went to the Taiwanese bake shop, I see a picture of it at least, and I'm sure I had a bite of it when one or the other my boys bought it. And I've had a lot of other sweets that have had red bean paste in it, and after seeing them so many times in the series, I started craving them.
I even looked up an amazing recipe for them, but I also knew that there were two fairly large Asian markets within driving distance of us. H-Mart is really well-known, and I was sure that their little bakery would have something close. Pacific Ocean is a local Asian market chain that also has a pretty extensive bakery. So I went to both today...
Jet had a blast with the Middle School District Honor Band. They basically all played together twice, though the big one was that yesterday, which is normally a 'late start' day, he went in at 8:30 and played all day with the band, in sectionals, and then together again. The clinician said that the real payoff for him, was working so intently with a bunch of great, dedicated kids, and the performance was just the icing in the cake.