Liralen Li (liralen) wrote,
Liralen Li

Gender Boundaries

One of those odd things, that I've been wanting to write about for some time, has been about gender boundaries. About the spaces where I've been walking that seem exclusive to one gender or the other. And I'm talking about a 100 to 1 ratio, on the most part.

In fanfiction nearly everyone involved was female, or they were males who were transgender, they'd been born female and were moving toward what they felt was their true nature. The odd thing there, for me, was that they were firmly embedded in an all-female community and had few if no inclinations to move away from it. They might have to deal with everyday life as a male, but their online social life was nearly completely with women.

Gamers are nearly all male. I know of three or four women who play, but they're few and far between, and I know more transgender females than I do ones that were born female. And, just like the transgenders in fanfiction, they're happier staying in the community that they know, and doing the things that the boys do.

It's just an observation. Sometimes I want to ask why in the world would someone want to be female?

The odd thing is also that I'm realizing that while I am fully cognizant of all the problems I've had because i'm female, all the fights I had to win because I'm female, and all the weird interactions I've had simply 'cause I'm female, I don't really want to be a guy. Life isn't easy, get used to it. Some of it is that having been through childbirth, there was a switch thrown in my head that finally admitted that I'm thoroughly female and just going to be that way for this lifetime.

Both genders have it hard in different ways, I get that, but it's odd for me to be in two communities filled with very lonely people of either gender and realizing that there isn't a good way to connect them. Most guys would rather die than get into romantic gay male fanfiction and most women wouldn't want to have to learn the spatial things, have to deal with the strategic nonsense of winning or losing a game, or get involved in the competitive or fairly verbally toxic environments I'm in; and, besides, not everyone is looking for anyone for a romantic encounter. And they'd probably have various amounts of contempt for the stereotype of the other; but there are some amazing people in both who are kind of lonely and seem to love to just talk with someone that'd be interested in them as a human being.

But, as MonkeyMaster says, "A relationship is about having something to relate to with each other."

And if there's no intersection at all between the two worlds, than maybe I'm just barking up the wrong tree. The oddest thing, though, is that I, personally, stand in that intersection. And both communities have people from all over the world, which bemuses me, to know people in Croatia, the UK, Russia, Brazil, Canada, all over the US, and into Israel and India. But, on past experience, just 'cause people are friends with me does NOT make them good people, or people that others of my friends would like. I'm a little too tolerant of what is bad behavior in others, and wouldn't want my friends to hurt each other.

It's just one of those things that's been on my mind of late, and it does make me wonder why I get drawn into these extreme communities sometimes.

Tags: community, fanfic, gaming, writing

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