Liralen Li (liralen) wrote,
Liralen Li
liralen

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The Big Four Oh

Woohooo! I've made it this far! Yay for being older!! Far better than any alternatives.

*grin* Okay. I'll admit it. Having someone that was once very close to me call me 40 when I was just 36 has made this 'milestone' something of a joke, in some ways. Okay. I'm here. Still capable of out-thinking, out-running, and when cornered out-fighting most of the folks I come across. Still not great at just talking to them, though. Still learning, still loving, still looking for adventures, though most of them are far, far closer to home.

I'm doing fucking fantastic, emotionally, compared to when I turned 30, though I sometimes miss that soccer player's body without all the damage I gradually inflicted on it. 30 was just before M*. 30 was with Fezzik. 30 was just getting off the high-speed embedded processors and going to a software job that started with customer interviews. 30 was soccer three times a week, a house in the woods with streams, and dancing in the rain. 30 was the chatsubo and myself turned into a fictional character...

I'm a lot more self-confident and capable of speech and knowing when to just shut up as it's energy wasted than when I was 20, though I miss the energy of being able to do 72 hours straight on a single project. 20 was my masters at UW after Caltech, the loneliness of a HUGE SCHOOL halftime. 20 was when the net was flat and I had fun routing my own email and both my sister and I explored the Internet and had a blast. 20 was getting used to yet another city after having moved six times as a kid. But this city was magic with rain...

10 was pretty good, but I am far, far less dependent than I was then, far more capable of verbal and physical self-defense and I learned a lot more about what was going on around me, now. I rather miss that bone-deep knowledge of what was right and wrong with the world, sometimes. But I think I dream more now than I did then. 10 was Indiana, corn fields and singing and art at school. 10 was beating up a bully that was making my sister cry. 10 was falling into a car while biking to school and showing the school nurse a mouth full of blood. 10 was running through other people's yards to play with my best friend, Lisa who was from the UK, blonde with a British accent and cooking with Michelle's Italian mama who hid the recipe card because it was a family recipe while their pet ocelot watched us from its glass cage...

It's fun to remember...

And it's funny to have started this day with getting cough syrup for myself, going into work as normal, and we're probably going to do the rec. center tonight. Nothing special. My birthday dinner'll be on the weekend when we can properly prepare... *grin*
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