January 16th, 2002



Kind of tired today.

Lots of work things going on. My teeth feel much better, now. Jet's in a good mood today. We're caught up on sleep. I have swimming tonight.

I've got lots of internal processing going on...

The day was cold slate today. The sky was dull grey and slightly brown. The ground was dry and dusted with snow like powdered sugar haphazardly tossed over day-old cake donuts to brighten them up a little. The high, today, was below freezing. I'm not used to that, but there's a hard beauty under all this that has an impact all its own.

Relationships are never, ever *equal* because the two people in them are never the same. So it can be a good thing, or it can be a terrible thing, depending on how the jagged edges cut or line up. Who need? Who gives? And they can not ever be the same, so some call it 'unfair', but with the ones that work, it can seem overwhelmingly bountiful. With the ones that don't work, it can seem overwhelmingly suckful

I just have to remember that it can never be fair, though, when the term fair means 'each gives the other the exact same thing'. They don't know what I meant when I did something, they can't return it with the same interest, intensity, or desire. They're different people. I really love my relationship with John because we each do what we really want to do for each other and we accept that that works for each other, especially when it's not something we'd have done for ourselves. That's the treasure.