February 22nd, 2002

crane

Yay Horde!

*bleh*

Just... *bleh*. tired. That colorgenics thing that said I was tired of fighting was totally correct. Tired of fighting to get things done at work. Tired of being called terrible things that I have to make the effort to see *why* the person called me those things and get into their headspace and figure out what the fuck is going on with them because if I didn't it would hurt me a whole lot more. We're talking more, which has been very useful as the original terrible things weren't as terrible as my endless 'being judged' backbrain told me they were. I am tired of being defensive and not being sure someone cares.

So I took the advice of the stupid color quiz and stopped staying alone.

I visited Trip and tooMUSH and got a good dose of sillyness and a big, nice dose of simply being *wanted*, but not hurting anyone's feelings by not being there much. I needed that badly. It was very good to get.

It seems so easy, on too, with the Horde, to figure that I'm not being judged. I don't know why it's so easy there, and so very hard nearly everywhere else.

John and I get to go out to dinner, probably at Casa de Mina (good Mexican food, they make their own mole) with an ex-coworker who was both once a minion of mine and a boss of mine, his wife and his kids are going to watch Jet while we eat. All kinds of goodness in one swoop. I hope that makes me feel better for the weekend. I think it should.