November 11th, 2002

crane

(no subject)

Last night, I was having a shouting match with Kathy on the phone in our bedroom as I didn't want to scare Jet. I heard the *thunk* *thunk* *thunk* of Jet trying to open the door and then he wanders in, looking a little concerned. I avoided eye contact as I didn't want him to think I was yelling at him, but kept at the conversation for a while.

I could feel Jet studying me. Then he leaned on my legs, put his chin on my knees and then gave me a sweet, quiet, calm smile that crinkled his eyes, pitted his dimples, and he craned his head just a bit to give it that movie star angle, and he just looked at me that way for a good three or four minutes. WHILE I was shouting.

I couldn't keep up the frustrated anger that had been fueling my side of the conversation. I just couldn't in the face of that. I just had to smile back at him. When I did he gave me his more characteristic grin, puckered up for a kiss, and when he got it he toddled off again.

I was flabbergasted, and I was also able to get far more reasonable with the conversation after the break from the old habits and the old reactions. And Kathy and I had a great conversation after that. A good one, even, and we both learned a few things.

I, for one, now know that Jet is not scared of me when I shout. This is... entirely different than my own reactions from when my parents shouted about anything. It was duck and run kind of adrenaline charge when they raised their voices at all. Jet is not only not scared of me, but I *think* he came over to make me feel better. And he did. Wow.
crane

Praise

Had my half-year review with my boss this morning and she surprised me by coming out and giving effusive praise for my efforts for the first six months. She also said that I was self-motivating, gave good communication about where I was in a timely fashion, spoke up about things I was unhappy with in a good way so that she could do something about them, and that she looked forward to the next half a year of working with me on what has become one of her most difficult and demanding jobs.

Jayashree had gotten this job dumped on her early this year, when Bill decided enough was enough and just dropped everything. She's actually younger than I am and I've tried to make it easy to manage someone older, more experienced, and with solid opinions about things. And it seems that I've done well in that regard. She's cool in that she's explicitly looking for work for me that'll fit the things that I really want to do and she's willing to change that as I change.

I love writing for a living, really. It's been a cool challenge and it amuses me when my engineering pals say that they wouldn't step into my shoes for the world, as they would have so much trouble communicating with so many people. Sometimes it gets frustrating, but when I can describe things that never were well enough for a bunch of people to make it BE, that's pretty darned cool. Best of all is that I seems to speak both software and hardware as well as enough testing to be comprehensible to our testing folks, and I speak enough marketing to get results that are actually doable and which satisfy customer needs. It's useful and fun to be fluent in multiple languages and get the feedback that I speak them better than some had hoped.

So I can't complain about not getting specific feedback anymore. Thank you, diony.
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