February 25th, 2003


(no subject)

Life rolls on.

We'll be doing a big dinner for the family that lost the boy. Everyone in the church is providing dinners for two weeks for the family and all of their relatives who are in town for the memorial service on Saturday. We'll be doing Friday night, when they have the most people in the house, but both John and I work from home on Friday, so it should be easier than the other days. At least if we go through with all this it'll be done. Mourning has to have its out, but there's some part of the introvert in me that wishes it all weren't so public, so it is. Making room for emotions is hard for me, sometimes. Especially 'bad' ones.

Work's just hammering me at the moment. Especially knowing that I'm going to be gone for another week in a short time, it's been kind of frantic. I really need to get stuff done before I leave. Luckily, with my parents here for half a week before the cruise, I'll probably have more work time then, too.

Sadly, I'm having flashes of feeling incompetent with the new project. I just feel that way. It's funny realizing that I did nearly seven years of heavy-duty C++ development with absolutely no formal training in either the language or in computer programming. I came from a complete hardware background and just sat down and started writing when folks needed *SOMEONE* to write code. And while I was capable and solved a lot of problems doing it, I also know that I've never felt as if I were good at software engineering. Hacking, yes. Debugging, heck yeah. Testing, sure. Having any theoretical background as to best practices, absolutely NO. Luckily, there are 'real' software engineers in the group that are taking care of things like coding standards, file and directory structures, and are around to review what I do write anymore.

I can solve problems. I can't write elegant code. So it is. I guess I should just accept it and do what I can and not worry about the fact that I'm not a 'real' software engineer. They want me for my problem solving abilities. That's good enough for them, so it should be good enough for me
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