September 1st, 2004

crane

First Day

Today's Jet's first day at Seven Oaks, the big pre-school.

He started the morning with an accident on the couch and saying, "Oooo... it tickles!!" Argghh. I cleaned up while John took him to the potty and got him changed.

We then packed his lunch (we need to get him a lunch box), packed all his nap-time stuff (had to buy a crib sheet as we'd given the other away), and Jet refused to let me pack his crocodile for his nap because he was afraid the other kids would take it from him (though the little Croc now has "Jet" written on him). I was nigh on late for my class, so John had to drop me off, first to deal with an email fire, and then I plowed through the class.

Which hurt. Oddly. It's really about the differences between my personal values and the values of the company, and where my manager and I can best leverage my values for the company. It's also about mis-matches in communication/understanding between my boss and I about what my job entails and what my skills are. Of course, my stupid lack of self-esteem arrowed in on all the "bad" mis-matches... when, really, my boss actually rated my abilities on things higher than I did on more of the mismatched items than I did...*sigh* I have to deal with this positively. The worst that can happen is that he and I will talk about what we have mismatches on and come to an agreement, really. And it's not about how I've "dropped the ball" in any case, it's about where we both agree I could learn more and on all those points I actually agreed with his assessment. He's very willing to go through all the data with me and talk about things, though the folks in the class warned about not giving the manager all the data, my gut feel is that we'd actually do better if I did.

I'm tired, now. Exhausted with trying to process all that data and figure out what I want to do about it.

I met up with John for lunch, and he'd actually called the pre-school to see how Jet was doing, and he seemed to be doing great. No accidents, no behavior things, nothing negative. He seemed really happy, the teacher felt he was really engaged, he seemed to respect his classmates and teacher, and, at nap time, he studied everyone else very hard and figured out what they expected him to do and he did it. So I am very happy. I think this could work out very well, I hope.

Hopes. They're good things.