December 19th, 2005


Inside Voices

Jet has this habit.

Whenever someone says, "Poor Jet." Jet will respond, annoyed, "I'm NOT poor Jet. I'm not crying!"

Only when he's actually crying over something will he let someone call him "Poor Jet."

He's done this for years and years, so long I've forgotten when he didn't say this. I still don't know why he says it, but he always will. It's like clockwork.

Today I was talking with John about some trouble I was having at work, and he and I talked and talked about it and when I was stating something that exasperated me intensely John said, "Poor Phee." Phee's an old, old nickname of mine, like the JF for him.

I hadn't realized just how ingrained Jet's response had become in ME until that moment, when my inside voice responded "I'm NOT poor. I'm alive. I'm healthy. You're all healthy. We have plenty of money to live on. We have a home, we have loving family on both sides who love us all a lot..."

And I was astonished at my brain, at the reflex Jet has ingrained in me.

Wow. That's powerful stuff.
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