So I went, and didn't have the meeting I thought I had, and I got to actually sit down and realize that I didn't have a clue what I should be doing next. So I worked through getting all my Covey stuff in-line, then sat down and thought through my remaining goals for the week and the month, and then started to just write stuff down. Lists of things, then prioritizing them, and then I checked two things off that I could do and started putting one foot in front of another, again.
I've been sick so much this month I've had no continuity or ability to work on much of anything and some things have flowed right by me. I feel useless, but, as usual, the feeling isn't the truth. But I do feel rather heartbroken at feeling like I'm not getting ANYTHING done and even the things I want to do are mostly out of me direct sphere of influence. Then again, this whole job is a job where the only way I get done what I need to get done is through influence. I have no direct reports who can actually DO anything for me, engineering-wise. I simply have to convince people of the best path.
And, yeah, the whole job setup sometimes makes me feel really frustrated and ineffectual. Not that I am, in reality, ineffectual. I've changed entire sections of the organization simply through how I work, and people have told me that. It's immeasurable and arcane, but simply by holding to my principles has made various folks tell me that entire groups have become more principled, more customer focused and more willing to listen to each other. Aie.
Not that my heart believes them, but it has a lot of bad habits.
So when I went to Bonnie to get my massage, I was exhausted by the day, and she saw that I was in pretty bad shape from Yet Another Cold. So she got out the essential oils and told me that she was going to use a technique called "Cooling Rain" on me, and I was enchanted by the name. It turned out to be me lying on my front, and she dripped cool oils on my back and then used a feather touch to work it into my skin. She went through a series of seven different oils, all balanced and chosen to help me with my cold, my poor, sore muscles from all that coughing, and that ever-present tension of back, shoulders, and arms from computer work.
She then gave me the all-over massage, with special attention to my arms and my poor diaphragm. I never knew I could be so sore in the center of my body. I simply floated through most of it, half asleep but attentive to the attention, and helping work-tight muscles to relax or simply doing my darndest to LET GO. :-) She added a particular salve for my feet that was supposed to help with colds as well.
When she was done I was putty. What was amazing, to me, was that during the whole massage I didn't cough once, until the very, very end, when she was finishing up with my legs. Wow. That, alone, was well worth the price of admission.
I called John on the way out. Jet had already had his dinner. John asked me to bring something from the Buffalo Wild Wings Bar and Grill. It's brand new to the neighborhood, and we thought it would be fun to try. So I went there and fifteen minutes later I had my bag to go and went home and we ate. Yum. Not greasy at all, and the sauces are distinct and powerfully flavored. Lots of good spices, flavors, and specifics to each kind. We got the Carribean Jerk and it was a real jerk (citrus, habanero, fruit, and SPICE) and hot enough to make me cry and the SW Western which was real, red New Mexican chilies, toasted and ground to the paste that was on those things... maybe a touch of lime and salt, but the red chile came right through. That was good.
A good day. My Covey calender comes with some rather interesting one-line quotes, and like incandescens I may start adding them at the end of my entries, when I really like them.
"If your heart did not break now and then,... how would you know it is there?"
-- Bette Bao Lord