Liralen Li (liralen) wrote,
Liralen Li

Random Bowl Ideas

Fabrege exterior, intricate and delicate and gorgeous -- The Scream as an interior -- titled "Appearances"

I forgot where I read it, but someone wrote that ones own pain is irrefutable reality while someone else's pain is the first exercise of faith. You understand that it's there, but even with rent flesh and spilled blood, there's no proof of the feeling other than your faith that what the person says is true. That's likely true for all emotions as well.

With both pain and emotions Jet will often just contradict me when I have a pain or emotions he doesn't want me to have, which flashes me back to some past adult relationships where they'd do the same thing but with more subtlety (you really shouldn't feel that way because of ABC) or things that undermine my faith in my own perceptions of my part of the reality (How can you feel that when LMNOP?). But with Jet it's obvious to me he cannot understand that I own my own emotions. Thereby he makes it infinitely easy for me to realize that I own my own emotions and I can gently say, "I understand that you don't WANT me to feel XYZ, but I do."

By pushing aside self-doubt, consciously, I'm seeing a lot more of this than I used to, and it's astonishing how calm I can become after I've acknowledged an emotion I hadn't even consciously known I was expressing. Like telling my boss, quite frankly, that my brain would explode if I got another person to manage in the next week. Just for the next week, but that's why I'd been unconsciously avoiding a particular decision. My brain would explode. :-) He cheerfully acknowledged and we shelved the discussion for after the week.

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