I hadn't realized how hard I've been holding up that side of me. Of trying to listen to the gut knowledge that eventhough he was saying that he didn't want me, didn't like me, and only wanted Daddy for the last few weeks that he really did love me anyway. Now that I don't need to hold up that part of my self-esteem so hard, I can feel how much energy it was taking.
Possibly why I've been mildly depressed for the last couple of weeks or so. Which is a bad thing, I think. I wish I were more self-assured or had better faith or... something. I don't know what. But... anyway... I can stop, now.