Liralen Li (liralen) wrote,
Liralen Li
liralen

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Momma is CRANKY

Jet and I fought all morning while I was trying to get everything ready to send him to school. I was abrupt, angry, and shouting a lot and Jet was, rightfully, furious with me, but being four he was still interested in just doing what he was doing... right when I finally had everything into the car but him, Jet announced he had to use the potty.

I was grateful that he told me so there was no accident in the car. BUT he then sat down to poop and sat and sat and then started singing...

I just held my head and wanted to scream.

Ahem. Yes. I am, on occasion a very cranky mother.

Jet said, "I don't like it when you're cranky, Mom. I don't like it at all."

"I don't like it either Jet."

And I had to just sit and think about why the hell was I so angry?? I'd been like this all yesterday afternoon and evening, and I was equally grumpy while putting Jet to bed. I'm covering for something. And I poked around and sure enough, yesterday, at work I'd been in a conversation that was morally repugnant to me. I'd said some things that I realized, this morning, that I really, really regreted saying and didn't say some things that I really regretted NOT saying. And I was really angry at the others for assuming certain things and really angry with myself for letting myself down.

I then said to Jet, "Momma's cranky 'cause of stuff at work. It's not you." He nodded and then wiggled to his own internal music.

I left Jet to his peaceful bowel movement, and just breathed for a while and planned my apology. Then we got him to school, half an hour late, which the teachers didn't really seem to mind, and Jet slipped right into the stream of things after getting a promise of a root beer float when Daddy picked him up.

I went to work and wrote the apology and sent it along with a coherent argument against the concensus I had found wrong. There was a rather inflammatory reply by one of the guys, which I expected, and I wrote a reasonable reply, I think, cutting out inflammatory stuff.

I am calmer, now. I have, written on my public white board, "Jet sez, 'Phyllis is cranky.'" There have been a few good laughs at that. I hope to treat Jet more fairly tonight. We'll see.
Tags: bad_behavior, jet
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