I got a moment of calm in the evening when John gently shoo'ed me off to the knitting group. I knit and talked with the lady a lot. It was good. At one point she said, "Wow, you must have a lot of conflicting emotions now."
Ending and beginnings, figuring out what I am if I'm not working. Seeing more of how people value me along with seeing how I get replaced so completely. It's weird. Not good or bad, it all just is and there's a lot of stuff just happening, and lots of emotions getting triggered from it all, which are not all good or bad, they mostly just are. Some regret, some joy, some laughter, some sadness, some glee, some anger, some frustration, and some feeling of having failed by not doing everything I'd *wanted* to do and seeing some of those things really being taken over by others that do it in ways I wouldn't have. Which isn't a bad thing, as some of the other approaches are better than what I would have attempted.