Liralen Li (liralen) wrote,
Liralen Li

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Lost Sheep

I think I'm a bit lost at the moment. Since we've lost Jet's school schedule and structure (school ended at the end of May), there is very, very little structure anymore to our days. I've been losing track of the days since I stopped working, but now there isn't even any real reason to figure out which day it *is* anymore... and it's a bit wacky.

I'm realizing now that I've spent most of my life tied to a schedule, either that of school or of work, where my time is dictated by others. It's even more insidious than when I was a child and my parents were very punctual and made sure to get me to things on time as they felt they were supposed to. When I got into college, my roommate was a classmate as well, and I just followed her around, but when I got into the junior and senior level classes, and my roommate changed into someone in another class... well... I just didn't get to things very well, at all.

Then I had John, but after a couple of particularly *BAD* appointment misses, I finally realized it was unfair to HIM to be my time keeper. So I got better at using other things to keep track of time and dates and appointments for me, calenders, alarm clocks, my old Visors, all my work laptops would flash things at me, and now my cellphone holds a number of my appointments. I'm not good at it, at all, but I use a lot of crutches that enable me to do what I need to do.

In a similar vein, the structure of "what I do" is now gone. At work, there was always something specific that needed doing, sometimes even just figuring out *what* it was that I needed doing was a job in and of itself. And there were specific times for doing it and specific times for eating my meals and specific times when I could go home and do the things I wanted to do in the few coherent hours left to me. Sometimes even the incoherent hours in the early morning were mine to read in. *laughter* But the time that was entirely mine was pretty limited.

Now it is unlimited. And it's daunting to have to create my own structure for that amorphous and growing mass of Things I Want To Do. Everything from the OUR Center garden to cooking and eating meals to my painting to my writing to my knitting to to researching "Engineers Without Borders" to gaming to my spinning to my garden to playing with Jet is ALL Possible, but how do I choose and how to I structure my time so that I get things done in the order that *I* think is important? No one is imposing importance or priorities on me anymore, and when I was working, I really wanted someone to point out a goal and then I would go for it, whole hog.

Now I have to generate *all* my own goals. Even when it's something that John or Jet or the school or the OUR Center wants me to do, I still have the need to choose those thing in priority with my things. And it's harder than I thought it might be in some ways and more satisfying than I thought it could be to get Something Done that I hadn't thought I had the time or the gumption to do.

And one lesson I've finally taken to heart is to plan, also, for *not* doing things as well. *laughter*

We've been pretty quiet since coming home. Being sick on my part and on Jet's part has had something to do with it, but not a lot on either of our parts. I managed to get into the OUR center garden this morning after uprooting all the onion starts I had in my garden to plant in theirs. *laughter* I also built some bird netting to keep birds off my lettuce starts, and did some blossom set spraying after the rain yesterday. I got two and a half solid hours weeding, planting, and weeding some more at the garden. Then called the boys about lunch. I picked up Good Times Coleman "All-Natural" beef burgers for John and I and indulged the Jetster with his desired McNuggets. I was still sticky when we were done with lunch, but the movie was too soon for me to shower, so the boys put up with "garden fresh" me.

We got to see Surf's Up! and it was pretty good! The reviewers have said that it's better than the average kid-flick, and they were right. I enjoyed it a good deal, especially the rhythm and pace of the conversations between the character voiced by Jeff Bridges and the protagonist, Cody, was very sweet. I liked the chicken much, much better in the movie than in the previews. And these guys must have both surfed and studied every real surfing movie in the world as the water is... amazing. There's a bit of an Easter Egg at the end, but it's not something I liked at all, but Jeff Bridge's singing *near* the end of the credits made it worth the wait.

I spent time making dinner tonight, though it was mostly the leftover grilled chicken from earlier in the week. John reheated it with BBQ sauce on the grill while I made some broccoli-cheese rice from chopped onions, chopped frozen broccoli, some butter, some oil, a scant tablespoon of flour, salt, pepper, some milk, Tillamook cheddar, and leftover short-grained rice from earlier in the week as well. It was very, very sticky by the end of it, but pretty good. Spinach salad from the farmer's market finished the meal, though I added Trader Joe's Sweet and Spicy pecans and some canned oranges, a la Jet, with my own homemade dressing. It was good to cook from the identifiable items I had after reading the last of Omnivore's Dilemma.

I've been working on the Phoenix sweater every night, but I'm only a bare three inches into it. It's almost discouraging how slow progress is, but I knew that with the fine gauge I was getting myself into a marathon of a sweater. It's satisfying to see it go, though, and neat to see my first change in reds. It'll be good to do. I'm very glad that I'm definitely a process knitter, enjoying the doing of each stitch and checking off each row. *laughter*
Tags: cooking, coping, gardening, movie, organizer, retiring, review
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