Liralen Li (liralen) wrote,
Liralen Li

Enough is enough - and you feel that you've had enough for a while. You don't need any more battles. You just would like to be able to shout "stop" and experience a little peace and calm ... even if it be only for a little while. This doesn't mean that you need to cut yourself off from the rest of the world ... it just means that you are seeking some respite... some physical or emotional relaxation that could release some of the the tension and possibly reduce the internal conflict....

You are a fighter and always on the defensive. You always need to be sure that your position is safe and established. When you finally make a decision you will pursue it to the bitter end in spite of all opposition.

Circumstances are holding you back...forcing you to back off and to forgo all the pleasures, fun and games for the time being. But this is only a temporary situation...and before you even know it...the situation could change....

For some time now your hopes and expectations have been denied...and because of this you are becoming withdrawn and introverted.Continual disappointment has manifested itself in you becoming both suspicious and have become withdrawn from others and have receded more and more into yourself. You seem to have lost your innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that you may be carried away by it only to find that you are wasting your time. You are loath to trust people as in the past your trust has been misplaced. You seem to be keeping yourself cautiously aloof from others. At this moment in time your attitude is to trust no-body...until they can prove themselves to you.

Disappointment and the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals have led to anxiety, and you are distressed by the lack of any close and understanding relationships. You feel you are not appreciated by those who matter to you. You are attempting to escape into a world on which you can relax and feel at ease.

Oddly enough, there is some truth to the feelings there. There are also many balancing 'others' as well. But there is something about 'not really getting to play' in all of that, between work and taking care of Jet, and a lot of it probably stems from feeling like I couldn't go to Dundracon this last weekend. I miss gaming, but I really do love my real life a lot, so that's the balance...

I stopped writing fiction years ago, after several folks have told me that I don't have the skills or abilities to do it. I haven't gamed for a year and a half, now. I haven't even gotten on-line much anymore. Just too many things that seem to require my time and attention, I guess, and I have given up, in some ways. It's odd how much of that this brings out for me, and I wouldn't have said it or even noticed it without this.

It's good to be conscious, though.

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