Liralen Li (liralen) wrote,
Liralen Li
liralen

self-esteem

Sugar and caffeine are fine ways to make a hard morning easier... the three of us went for donuts and I feel pretty good now. Jet got his own bag of donut holes and he ate half of them and then started mashing the other half and throwing them, in handfuls, at John and I. I think that was a pretty clear indication that he was done. *laughter*

I actually didn't do my bath last night, and did feed Jet twice, and didn't really get to sleep until after midnight. Mostly thinking about all kinds of things that were brought up elsewhere.

Some of which has to do with the sticky thickets of 'self-esteem'. Rosty obviously has the good self-esteem stuff that I find myself lacking. Jet is, obviously, growing it and both Rosty and I and Joan are pretty hip to the fact that we have something to do with it and that there are things we can to to help him figure it out for himself.

One of the things in a self-esteem book I read that rang a bell was that praising a kid is different than encouraging a kid, as praise makes the kid more dependent on outside input to feel good about themselves. Encouragement helps a kid figure out how to feel good on their own. The problem with the dependency is that when someone does praise stuff, it just doesn't last and it doesn't seem to make things better.

Thing is that, in the end, no matter what we do or don't do, the self-esteem has to come from Jet himself. He seems to be born with some of the hardier elements that make it likely.

I have some self-esteem. It might have been harder to grow, but it's definitely grown, with friends, with loved ones, and with all the things I've done in the past that have, sometimes, made me feel better about myself. The biggest thing was getting me to think, "Am I really happy with what I've just done? Do I like how I feel about this?" Not just my abilities, but I do feel pretty okay about my self, now. So it's clear, to me now, that I can overcome old habits and emotions. And I know plenty of people who have had it far worse than I and whom didn't have the plethora of birthright gifts I've been given who have good self-esteems. I also know folks who've had it far easier than I and have far more gifts than I who don't have it. Plus the kitty-corners to all those possibilities, so reality is combinatorial. Heh.

And I'm figuring out that a part of if all is to realize and accept when I do... and to realize it when I don't and not wallow in it the way I have in the past. I can do something different.
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