Kenpachi

Fanfic: The Resilience of Bamboo

Fandom: Bleach
Characters: Kenpachi, Yumichika, Ikkaku
Rating: R for language. Lots of bad language. And... uhm... right. Violence. It is Kenpachi.
Summary: Kenpachi figures out what to do with a shinai.
Word Count: 859
A/N: This is nearly all 2metaldog's fault. Nearly. It's entirely fighty crack. Just written off the cuff, for fun. It started with me being grumpy about bare-blade practice of the various Bleach Boys, and 2metaldog said something about how Kenpachi wouldn't stand for no wussy shinai and... well... it snowballed from there.
Disclaimer: I do not own or make money off of Bleach. Kubo Tite owns the guys. I just borrow them and beat 'em up a little... but they have fun!!



"It's a shinai, Taichou. Most of the other Divisions have been doing a lot of kendo practice with them. General Yamamoto said that we should use them to figure out more advanced sword skills instead of just relying on our reiatsu to... uhm... 'get you out of trouble' is how he put it," Yumichika said doubtfully, handing the multiple-stranded bamboo practice sword over to Kenpachi, the ugly sweat-darkened handle pinched between his forefinger and thumb.

"What the fuck?" Kenpachi took the handle in his big hand. "It's just bamboo! How the hell's someone supposed ta learn with that?"

Ikakku spit to the side, his arms hooked over the sheathed zanpakutou resting across his shoulders. "Beats me."

"Sure." Kenpachi instantly swung an overhand blow toward Ikkaku's bald head with the shinai. Ikkaku ducked and swung his body away to Kenpachi's right. A motion too fast for mortal eyes, a sharp crack of sound from the shinai, and Ikkaku's still-sheathed zanpakutou was down, crossing the practice sword.

"Well, least you know when you've hit something with the bugger." Kenpachi looked approving at the sound.

Suddenly all three of their heads went up, as the reek of Hollows wafted in.

Kenpachi laughed and raised the shinai instead of his zanpakutou. "This'll make it interesting..."

"But you can't cleanse a Hollow with that, Taichou!"

"Just watch me."

Hollows charged in, screaming, and both Ikkaku and Yumichika hung back, knowing their Taichou far too well as Kenpachi ran in, muscles pumped, grin wide. He surprised both of them by what looked like a block of a set of wicked looking claws with his shinai. The claws took the leather bound end right off, even as it sliced a shallow cut through Kenpachi's side, and suddenly Yumichika hid a laugh behind his hand.

"What the fuck?" Ikakku frowned and rubbed his head.

"He's modified it to make it sharper," Yumichika said admiringly.

Sure enough, the claw swipe had cut across the four slats right at an angle that made for a wickedly sharp spike on the end. Kenpachi grunted and used all his arm and reiatsu strength to drive that point right through the mask of the Hollow that had obliged him so nicely. It burst into dust.

The next he let run by on his right, and he stunned by hitting it, hard, on the back of the head with the butt of the weapon with a vicious backhand blow. As it fell, Kenpachi's knee went up to catch the body in mid-air, flipping it. When it landed on its back, the butt end of the pretend sword smashed satisfyingly through the mask. Kenpachi's reiatsu blazed high, and the smashed Hollow fell to dust as well.

"So much for only laying things to rest with a zanpakutou," Yumichicka mused, slender fingers stroking his chin.

"That cat Yoruichi does it all the time. She doesn't even seem to have a sword." Ikkaku did not sound impressed. "But what's the fun of hand-ta-hand with a Hollow? Give me the slicin' and dicin' any day. Splashing the robes is half the fun, and the other half is feeling my blade push deep into..."

Yumichika rolled his eyes and the feather fluttered by his eye. "Do you have to go into all the gory details?"

Ikkaku leered. "But I thought you liked the really... juicy... details."

Yumichika blushed and rolled his eyes again. "Wrong kinda story, Ikkaku."

Kenpachi laid waste to three more Hollows in a row. But the repeated blows using the 'point' shattered the cut-sharpened tip and pulled apart the bindings that were further up the practice weapon. The four slats of bamboo bloomed out from the tip.

"He's holdin' a freaking flower!" Ikakku crowed.

Kenpachi studied his 'flower' for a moment, and then spun it, experimentally, in his grip. A Hollow jumped him and he swung the thing like a mace, striking a glancing blow that put the curve of one of the 'petals' against the Hollow's mask. The petal, with all of Kenpachi's strength behind it, won, peeling a strip right out of the center of the mask, which promptly broke and scattered.

The remaining bindings broke and scattered as well. Kenpachi was left holding a very solid, leather handle with four loose, battered slats, and two more Hollows to deal with.

Yumichika put his hand on his zanpakutou, but Ikkaku just shook his head and Yumichika relaxed his stance just a little.

The two Hollows rushed Kenpachi, and Yumichika couldn't help but think there wasn't anything quite as deadly as their Taichou when he was moving on nothing but reflex. Then Kenpachi hammered home the slats, using the handle when he could, and the bones of his elbow when he couldn't. The slats' edges cut deep into the hand that held them, but the Hollows burst into dust.

Kenpachi wiped off his bloody hands, and walked back toward his two waiting officers. "Huh."

"What, Taichou?" Yumichika couldn't resist asking.

"Well," Kenpachi said it very grudgingly. "Okay... I guess ya kin order some of those shinai things. They're more useful than I thought."

  • Current Mood: crazy crazy
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*does mad dance*

Yea! You wrote it! This was awesome and I could sooooooo picture Kenpachi going at it like that. I will graciously accept all blame associated with getting you to write this.
*falls over giggling*

Yay!! I'm glad. It was fun, especially with the peanut gallery of Ikkaku and Yumichika to just kibitz... *laughs*

And you definitely triggered my need to write *something* Kenpachi, as I've been wanting to do that for a while. Thank you!!!
(snickers inappropriately)

In Zaraki's hands, anything kills . . . (not that shinai aren't appropriate weapons, but I think he could massacre Hollows armed only with a four-leaved clover)
*laughs* You should write that. *laughs some more*

Hee. Thank you! I'm glad you found it appropriate to his character. *giggles even more*
"But you can't cleanse a Hollow with that, Taichou!"

"Just watch me."


LMAO! Yes, I'm convinced Kenpachi can kill with anything he gets his hands on. Love how he tests the thing totally to pieces, and his grudging conclusion.

Ikkaku and Yumichika are, of course, perfect as the peanut gallery. :D
They are, aren't they? XDD

I never know if my sense of humor... well... works. *laughs* But I'm glad it did with this one, and, yeah, it kind of fit Kenpachi's... mystique. *laughs*

Thank you!
It devolved so beautifully too!! *laughs* This was hilarious and yet it really didn't even seem outside the realm of possibility. *g*

The Ikkaku/Yumichika sexual innuendo was a fitting cameo, and Ikkaku's flower comment had me snickering madly.

A very winning piece of crack! :D
*laughs heartily* It did! *giggles* It was funny when Kenpachi was holding the "flower" as Ikkaku had to get his line in and both Kenpachi and I were like wtf do I do with this now???

Took my brain a little bit to figure it out, I'm glad Kenpachi was faster. *laughs and laughs*

Hee. Glad the innuendo worked. *whew*

Thank you so much!! XDD
Heh!! Yes. I remember this entirely. *laughs and laughs* I love how it helps this fic fit in, now. *giggles*