Bleh...
... I hate Maundy Thursday and Good Friday services...
It really feeds the more depressive side of me, the side that hates people, that hates collections of people, and that really, truly, utterly hates being in any collection of people. Jet kept asking questions the whole way to the service, questions I never dared ask as a kid, and we encouraged him to ask them of the folks around him at the church, and he did and got some pretty reasonable answers, both from people and from our particular "walk of the stations of the cross."
There were little scenes set up through the church, depicting scenes after Jesus had left them, and so we were trying to "catch up" as we went... starting at the Temple and ending at the grave.
It's a part of Easter most people like to forget, I guess, but... it's necessary in its own way. I just wish I didn't hate the world so much now.
I've tried to do some fun and good stuff to counteract this as I knew that I was going to be doing it.
I managed to get the gloves off to
ginnyvos, managed to get the money for my payments from the cowl and my consulting. The lady I've been consulting for has asked me to come back again in 2 weeks, so it's going to be a steady thing, now. I'm just using the money to supplement my mental "allowance" of money I feel okay about spending. I've always been deeply unable to spend money on myself, so I made myself this allowance to make sure that I don't just go around feeling deprived All The Time, and it allows me to save for things I really want, like the drawing tablet and my half of the Lego Batman game.
Nice thing is that by finding 'work', I increase what I should be doing for fun.
Another thing I found was this recipe for what Chow calls Gumbo Z'herbes, which is traditionally served on Good Friday. Admittedly, I've always thought gumbos were thickened either with file or with okra, not a roux... but I guess I'm wrong. There's a nice article on Chow about what really makes a gumbo... so I'm going with it.
Before the service, I asked the boys to go to ice cream after, and we went to Glacier Ice Cream, which is right by the Vitamin Cottage, which is a local, cheaper than Whole Foods, kind of healthy food store. They had organic collard greens and swiss chard, so I'll be using those tomorrow, and scaling things to what I have. They also had celery for a reasonable price for it being organic, and they also carried whole honey comb from a town that's less than ten miles away from us.
Jet's been wanting to try honey comb for quite a while, so we bought it, and it looks very tempting to me. I like that on the container it not only recommends just eating it straight, but also just cutting a slice and putting it on fresh biscuits and eating it whole that way as well. We'll see how Jet takes to it.
The fun thing is that Vitamin Cottage just started not carrying ANY new grocery bags at all, only ones that someone else recycled (really for reuse, I guess), and I had fun pulling my bag out of my purse and handing it over when the lady expected me to expect to get a free bag. The greens fit perfectly. So that was fun and good and should be good for us tomorrow. Might be tasty, too. Don't know, but it'll be fun finding out.
And, of course, after being in the middle of a crowd after the service, I'm up late still processing... *sighs*
Another good thing is that John's set the cinnamon rolls to rise for the night. Should be a good breakfast, in any case.
It really feeds the more depressive side of me, the side that hates people, that hates collections of people, and that really, truly, utterly hates being in any collection of people. Jet kept asking questions the whole way to the service, questions I never dared ask as a kid, and we encouraged him to ask them of the folks around him at the church, and he did and got some pretty reasonable answers, both from people and from our particular "walk of the stations of the cross."
There were little scenes set up through the church, depicting scenes after Jesus had left them, and so we were trying to "catch up" as we went... starting at the Temple and ending at the grave.
It's a part of Easter most people like to forget, I guess, but... it's necessary in its own way. I just wish I didn't hate the world so much now.
I've tried to do some fun and good stuff to counteract this as I knew that I was going to be doing it.
I managed to get the gloves off to
ginnyvos, managed to get the money for my payments from the cowl and my consulting. The lady I've been consulting for has asked me to come back again in 2 weeks, so it's going to be a steady thing, now. I'm just using the money to supplement my mental "allowance" of money I feel okay about spending. I've always been deeply unable to spend money on myself, so I made myself this allowance to make sure that I don't just go around feeling deprived All The Time, and it allows me to save for things I really want, like the drawing tablet and my half of the Lego Batman game.Nice thing is that by finding 'work', I increase what I should be doing for fun.
Another thing I found was this recipe for what Chow calls Gumbo Z'herbes, which is traditionally served on Good Friday. Admittedly, I've always thought gumbos were thickened either with file or with okra, not a roux... but I guess I'm wrong. There's a nice article on Chow about what really makes a gumbo... so I'm going with it.
Before the service, I asked the boys to go to ice cream after, and we went to Glacier Ice Cream, which is right by the Vitamin Cottage, which is a local, cheaper than Whole Foods, kind of healthy food store. They had organic collard greens and swiss chard, so I'll be using those tomorrow, and scaling things to what I have. They also had celery for a reasonable price for it being organic, and they also carried whole honey comb from a town that's less than ten miles away from us.
Jet's been wanting to try honey comb for quite a while, so we bought it, and it looks very tempting to me. I like that on the container it not only recommends just eating it straight, but also just cutting a slice and putting it on fresh biscuits and eating it whole that way as well. We'll see how Jet takes to it.
The fun thing is that Vitamin Cottage just started not carrying ANY new grocery bags at all, only ones that someone else recycled (really for reuse, I guess), and I had fun pulling my bag out of my purse and handing it over when the lady expected me to expect to get a free bag. The greens fit perfectly. So that was fun and good and should be good for us tomorrow. Might be tasty, too. Don't know, but it'll be fun finding out.
And, of course, after being in the middle of a crowd after the service, I'm up late still processing... *sighs*
Another good thing is that John's set the cinnamon rolls to rise for the night. Should be a good breakfast, in any case.
-
cranky
I am really glad you are doing the fun things. I can't help but think it's good that you see the sadness and ugliness but wish it wouldn't make you feel so badly.
Do you guys have anything green to see yet? I'm still waiting.
Mmm... that is a good thought, that it is a balance, that it is doubt and confusion and dismay, and it does make me feel badly; but there will be Sunday in its own way.
Yes! We have green! I actually have a good amount of spring onions, the spinach and radishes and sugar snap peas are all up and going. My tomato seedlings are all very eager. *laughs* But they're indoors on the most part, but get to bask in sun on the 70 degree days...
The joy of Easter Sunday is coming... I'll be at mass on Saturday night, ringing my bell like a crazy person during the Gloria.
It'll be good to get through to then, I think.
Thank you. I needed that.
One hymn I remember from school (and you don't need to point out the pagan influences...):
Now the green blade rises from the buried grain,
Wheat that in the dark earth many years has lain,
Love comes again, that in the grave hath been,
Love is come again, as wheat that springeth green.
Mmmm... sometimes the pagan influences are the most beautiful.
Yes...
I love that last line, and, yes, now that Easter is here, I'm feeling a mite better...